Joke #2818

On a beach a man shouts at another man: Tell your son not to imitate me. A man to his son: Son, stop playing the fool.

I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"

Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"

Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.

Programming is like sex One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Opportunity! That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!