Joke #3704

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
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has 40.75 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, disgusting, drunk, money
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
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has 38.91 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, winter, women
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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has 75.18 % from 286 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
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has 85.35 % from 2874 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
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has 80.60 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life, Santa, women
Q: What do men and garbage bags have in common? A: Black are bigger than white.
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has 58.03 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: black people, dirty, insulting, racist, white people
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall? A: Wallnuts Q: What do you call nuts on your chest? A: Chest nuts Q: What do you call nuts on your chin? A: A penis in your mouth
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has 61.06 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, party
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
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has 84.80 % from 3601 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, life, sex