A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Whats the second thing thats hard in the morning? waking up!
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose. Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it? Teacher: Technically. Yes. Student: But it doesn't even taste like that... Teacher: what? Student: what?
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, "I've got a huge crack." The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb." When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''