What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
(A panda bear rolling down a hill!)
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How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid.
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo!
she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo".
The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Two men are chatting;
"My son asked me: 'Daddy, where do children come from?'"
"It's not a big deal... Today kids are interested in that matter on the early years."
"Yeah men, but the real issue here is that my son is... married... for five years!"
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
Vote:
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half."
Me: [visibly confused]
Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her:
"The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off.
Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"
The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."
The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"