Joke #4694

They say about money that you can’t take it with you. I can’t even afford to go.

‘Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.’ Groucho Marx

Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.

Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.

Q: How was copper wire invented? A: Two jews fighting over a penny.

"The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet."

I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."

Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.