They say about money that you can’t take it with you.
I can’t even afford to go.
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Being poor has its advantages.
For example your keys are never in your other trousers.
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did?
What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about?
That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said.
"there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed.
"They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
I love her so much I worship the ground her father found oil on.
Where to birds invest their money?
In the stork market!
Yo' Mama is so poor, her tv only has two channels: on and not working.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the little amount of time you're inside them.
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.
"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
"$345," says the doctor.
"$345!!?" the lady asks.
"Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."