Joke #3776

Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money

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Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: driving, kids, money
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married". So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt." Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled". Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
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How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
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Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
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Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes? So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
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What king of money do fishermen make? Net profits!
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
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has 82.42 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: death, family, money, time, work
Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? AA By his net income.
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Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
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As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex, the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashed. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife what's up. "Well," she replied, "not everyone is as cheap as you are."
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has 73.05 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: money