How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you screw her.
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What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Harry is better at sex than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.
Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex?
They're called "Predickamints".
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, "Nein!, Nein"
So two guys walk away.
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
Vote:
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex.
The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying.
"You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother.
The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy.
As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room.
Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump.
The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole.
Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?"
The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.