Joke #3781

How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.

Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.

Little Johnny's dad was constantly bragging about him to everyone. He was always telling everyone he met how his little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, and little Johnny was the best kid ever. One day little Johnny's dad was outside leaning on the fence talking to his next door neighbor. As usual it was "little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, little Johnny's the best kid ever." Just then the school bus pulled up and little Johnny himself got off the bus. His dad was elated. He turned back to the neighbor and said, "There's my little Johnny now! Isn't he the best kid ever? I'll ask him how his day went." So when little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad said;  "So little Johnny, how was school today?" "Oh school was great today dad! I had SEX in school today!" Then little Johnny went on into the house. His dad turned to his neighbor and said ever so proudly, "That's my little Johnny, he had SEX in school today! What a kid!" Next day little Johnny's dad was back at the fence again talking to the next door neighbor as the bus pulled up again. As little Johnny was getting off the bus, his dad turned to the neighbor and said "There's my little Johnny, what a boy! Watch this, I'll ask him if he had SEX in school again today!" As little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad called out to him "Hey little Johnny, did you have SEX in school again today?" "Oh no dad, my butt's still sore from yesterday!"

Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life. The doctor recommends Viagra. They come back and see him in a couple of weeks. The doctor says "how was the Viagra?" The wife says "great I love it." Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.

Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they? A: His left hand and his right hand.