How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you screw her.
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Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands.
‘Tell me,’ says one.
‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’
‘No,’ says the other.
‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
Vote:
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle."
Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible."
Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Q: Why do fat, ugly women give the best blow jobs?
A: Because they have to!
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"?
- "No, I had sex in high school."
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Vote:
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied,
"Some things you just can't explain.
This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."