How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you screw her.
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Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Q: Ever had sex while camping?
A: It's fucking intents.
A man and wife were making love.
When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away.
Mom said "You better fix this now."
The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma.
The dad screamed "What the fuck."
The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
‘Its been a rough day.
I put on a shirt and a button fell off.
I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Tom to Dick: ‘My mother made me a homosexual.’
Dick: ‘If I bought her enough wool would she make me one as well?’
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed.
He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!"
With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!"
Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!"
The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"