Joke #3825

I’ve just come into some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: money

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Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets. So, he decided to take advantage of it. One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!" His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?" "Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!" Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?" "Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face. The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman. He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!" The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"
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has 80.48 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, kids, money, school
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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has 84.30 % from 2303 votes. More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa
Knock knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
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has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, mean, money
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty stupid, but says his wife is more stupid. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a dick!"
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has 71.86 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: bar, money, stupid, wife, women
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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has 42.26 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, money
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden." The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
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has 80.79 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, money, prison, wife
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!
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has 39.54 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: money
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, mean, money, religious
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife.
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has 84.34 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: money, wife
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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has 78.13 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money