Joke #3858

Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, life, money
If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: customer service, money
George meets a genie in the street, which tells him to make a wish and it will make it true. "I want to pee whiskey," he says. “But are you sure? You can ask for money, wealth, anything you want." "No I want to pee whiskey." The genie thinks what can it do, it makes his wish true. George goes home, calls his wife, Sue: "Woman, get nuts and two glasses." Curious she was, she brings them. "What do you want them? She asks him. Once we don’t have any drinks." From now on, we will both have as much whiskey as we want, says to her. And really he fills the two glasses with whiskey. They clink, drink one, drink two drinks, make some fun … and play a little game. The other night the same happen. "Woman, bring two glasses and nuts." So they spend their evenings. One night, however, the scene changed. "Woman, bring nuts and a cup." "A, for one?" "You will drink from the bottle today."
Vote: has 58.42 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, game, money, women
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
Vote: has 85.10 % from 570 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, money, political, tax
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
Vote: has 16.13 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money
My wife and I have a joint account. I deposit money and she withdraws it.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Vote: has 81.09 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
Vote: has 19.47 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, money
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Vote: has 85.88 % from 2171 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa
What’s the quickest way to double your money? Fold it in half!
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money