Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
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A man is talking to the tax inspector who’s come to review his records.
The inspector says, ‘As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.’
‘Thank God for that,’ replies the man.
‘I thought you were going to ask for cash.’
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents.
So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it".
The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink.
On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it.
When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it.
When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?".
And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson.
He delivered the pizza to his trailer.
After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip?”
“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”
“Is that so?” snorted Larry.
“Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”
“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”
“What are you studying in school?” asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology.”
Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?'
His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?'
Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'
Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!"
Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
Vote:
No matter how hard we try, we never seem to save any money.
Our neighbours are always buying something we can’t afford.
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said
"Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way.
My dad left it to me in his will.
Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.