Joke #3858

Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: money

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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
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has 21.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: money, political, republican
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they’re off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. ”Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ”I’ve found my ball!” he announces. ”After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together,” Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?” ”What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!” ”And you’re a liar, too!” Jon says. ”I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”
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has 81.02 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: golf, lawyer, money
Yo Mama So fat... She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
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has 71.80 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: fat, money, Yo mama
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
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has 18.53 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, money
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
My uncle is very mean. I went round the other day and found him stripping the wallpaper. He wasn’t redecorating, he was moving.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: money
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.
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has 24.11 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, family, geography, life, money