Joke #3869

What a barman! When I asked for something tall, cold and full of gin, he called his wife out.
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Q: What's all over a clean nose? A: Fingerprints.
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A salesmen rang a house doorbell and it was answered by a kid wearing a top hat, a purple cape, smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of white wine. The salesmen asked: "Are your parents home?" The kid replied: "What does it look like?"
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

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A drunk on his way home from a bar one night realizes that he has dropped his keys. He gets down on his hands and knees and starts groping around beneath a lamppost. A policeman asks what he’s doing. "I lost my keys in the park,” says the drunk. "Then why are you looking for them under the lamppost?” asks the puzzled cop. "Because,” says the drunk, "that’s where the light is.”
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
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Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives.... "I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.." "Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?" "New York City..."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples." She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass." He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then." She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you." "This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your cunt." She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!" She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction. She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my twat, and drink from me!" Her boy friend stops and say's "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."
Vote: has 76.66 % from 191 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird
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How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Got home from the pub at 3'o clock this morning. The wife was waiting at the door with a rolling pin. I said to her, "what are you doing..baking..at this time of the night" ?
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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