Joke #3886

The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
Vote:
has 42.19 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?" The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry. When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man. you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?" "well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too" The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie pops out and says "I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!" The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral" So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
Vote:
has 36.25 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: gay, sex, time
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
Vote:
has 76.43 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, sex
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
Vote:
has 80.61 % from 2632 votes. More jokes about: sex
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote:
has 66.76 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, gay, sex
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: insulting, sex, ugly, Yo mama
Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
Vote:
has 58.65 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: sex
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Vote:
has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote:
has 54.20 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work
Q: What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second? A: First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viagra.
Vote:
has 82.51 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: age, sex, travel, viagra, wedding
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Vote:
has 63.42 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: sex, women