The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
What do you say to a virgin? Thanks for nothing!
Two Italian men get on a bus... They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents.
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common? A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
‘During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.’ Rodney Dangerfield
I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.