‘I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.’ Steve Martin
‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?” And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’ Garry Shandling
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.” He replies, “What did your dentist say?”
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.