What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
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Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home.
Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions.
Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama."
Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!"
Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!"
Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!"
Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it.
Why?
Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex.
No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Vote:
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary:
Darling, have you been unfaithful to me?
Yes, honey, three times.
When was the first time?
Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit?
And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you.
Thanks, darling.
And when was the second time?
Do you remember when you were very ill and nobody would agree to make the surgery for you?
And finally the head of the department took care of you?
Thank you darling, you saved my life.
And with whom have you been unfaithful to me for the third time?
Do you remember when you were a candidate to the position of city mayor and you were missing 36 votes?
One day a man got on the bus and saw a nun.
He started to have sexual Thoughts about her and tried to stop but she looked so good that he couldn't Stop.
So once she got off the bus the man asked the bus driver if he knew Where she was going.
The bus driver said to meet the nun at the church at 8:0op.m dressed like jesus. He went there dressed like jesus.
This Surprised the nun and she asked him what she needed to do and he said have anal sex with him.
Afterwards, the man said I have a confession to make and he told her he wasn't jesus but the man on the bus.
The nun then said she had a confession also. She was the busdriver..