What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
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Worst way to ask for anal:
"Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
*My dad helping me find a gf*
Dad: What do you want most in a woman?
Me: My dick.
*Grounded and high fived*
A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money.
The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.
So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
Yes.
Me too?
Of course.
And how much do you think I would cost?
500 francs.
What?! Only 500 francs?!
Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.