Joke #3959

He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.

Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.

I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”

Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?

Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll? A: All Ken's stuff.

What is the difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.

I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.