Joke #3968

A couple are arguing over money. ‘Do you know,’ says the man. ‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’ ‘Yes,’ says his wife. ‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money

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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: food, money, old people, time, wife
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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has 77.47 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
Yo mama so fat and poor the only thing she could afford to eat was grease.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, money, Yo mama
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
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has 81.11 % from 14730 votes. More jokes about: management, money, sex, time
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, work
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
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has 80.60 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: management, money, stupid
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
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has 59.85 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, money
Once there was a bartender who claimed he was the strongest man on earth, he could squeeze every drop of juice out of a lemon and he bet $10,000 that no one could squeeze anymore out of a lemon he has squeezed People came in from all over the country, body builders, weight lifters, wrestlers, or anyone that wanted to try. But no one could squeeze anymore juice out of the lemons. Then one day a little nerdy looking guy walks in and everyone laughs at him when they hear he is there to try to squeeze a lemon. So the bartender squeezes a lemon into a cup an hands him what is left over. Then the guy squeezes out 6 more drops of juice, and everyone is amazed! "What do you do for a living?" they would ask, "Are you a weight lifter, a body builder?" "No", he replied. "I work for the IRS."
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has 76.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bartender, food, money, work
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: marriage, medical, money, sex, viagra
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?' 'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money, teacher