Joke #3982

Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
Vote: has 35.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Wife complains husband, "When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home I'm scared that someone will rape me." "Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together. They come to the fence against which they first made love. The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake." The wife agrees and they both undress. Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago." His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
Vote: has 53.18 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, wife
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Vote: has 69.13 % from 207 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, love, marriage
Q: Why is marriage not a word? A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
My wife is temperamental. Fifty per cent temper and 50 per cent mental.
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
Vote: has 51.93 % from 82 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: drunk, god, husband, marriage
Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Bill asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Bill asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
Vote: has 83.53 % from 82 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, drug, love, marriage, time
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
What is the difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
Vote: has 45.29 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage