The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"
Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye."
"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"
And turning to Jessica, she says:
"I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates.
Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
This couple had been going out together for quite a while and was thinking about getting married.
They finally decided to spend a night in a motel to see if they were sexually compatible.
The next morning he dropped her off at her apartment and he said, "So long Lucy."
She said, "Goodbye, Shorty."
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married.
Not to each other.
But they were married.
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house.
So I did - the middle one.
A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Vote:
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote: