Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard?
They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.
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Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat?
A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
‘Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.’
Jay Leno
Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra.
Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around.
After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
"That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor.
"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him.
The further he walked, the more rats followed.
He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him.
So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store shortly.
"Ah-ha!" said the proprietor.
"You've come back for the story, right?"
"Nope," said the man.
"You have any brass lawyers?"
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
Vote:
‘If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem.
If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.’
John Paul Getty A woman rings her insurance company.
‘Our house burnt down and I want £100,000,’ she says.