Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard?
They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.
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Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp.
After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for.
So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.
"Every blonde in the world will get two million."
The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.
The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes.
"Now for your third wish." said the genie.
"See that stick over there?", asked the brunette,
"I want you to beat me half to death with it."
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes.
One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.
"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners.
They eat their fill and leave.
The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"
A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door.
The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door.
A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."
"What?" askes the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hun?
I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"