Joke #4015

Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Vote:
has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
Vote:
has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"
Vote:
has 83.64 % from 227 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, lawyer, money
Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
Vote:
has 84.92 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
Vote:
has 84.37 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: bar, death, heaven, lawyer
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.” “Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
Vote:
has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dad, lawyer, money
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
Vote:
has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.  The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Vote:
has 85.98 % from 1536 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, lawyer, marriage, prison
A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a theatre play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back. He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man’s hands on his back. "Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?" "I’m a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can’t keep myself from practicing my skills." "Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I’m an attorney, and you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Vote:
has 83.62 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
Vote:
has 76.32 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer