What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity.
If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
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Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’
‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer.
‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’
‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’
‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter.
‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer?
A Dobermann pinscher.