Joke #4018

Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, prison
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
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has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, money
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
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has 83.62 % from 511 votes. More jokes about: dirty, divorce, lawyer
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: bar, divorce, lawyer, travel, vulgar
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: business, lawyer, light bulb, money
Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes? Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
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has 22.18 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor. The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors. One is a young, healthy athlete. The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’ ‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient. ‘Why?’ asks the doctor. The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
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has 78.23 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: athlete, business, lawyer