Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
"Professional courtesy."
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem.
He replied that he paid it back right after his first case.
When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?”
Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It's called Sosumi.
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law.
The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary.
The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.