Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
Vote:
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding.
He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses."
One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Vote:
Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes?
Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’
‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient.
‘Why?’ asks the doctor.
The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’