Joke #3787

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. "Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated. "Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?" "Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
An airliner is having engine trouble. The pilot instructs the cabin crew to prepare for an emergency landing. A few minutes later the pilot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready. ‘All set back here, Captain,’ comes the reply. ‘Except one lawyer. He’s still going around passing out business cards.’
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers. ‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says. ‘You, Tom, gave me £15,000. And you, Harry, gave me £10,000.’ The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom. ‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide this case solely on its merits.’
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer