Joke #4020

Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. ‘Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, " All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, " Money, what for?" " What for?", the Prostitute growled, "Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says." So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary. It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex." " Okay," said the Koala, " now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says." So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary. It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."
Vote: has 73.33 % from 245 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, money, sex
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, marriage, money
He was so poor he didn’t even get a yo-yo for Christmas. His parents could only afford a yo.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).
Vote: has 20.20 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, money
What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, hunting, money
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote: has 63.30 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, blonde, disgusting, life, money
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, money
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax