Joke #4082

‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’ Fred Allen
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Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen. The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her. One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom. Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence. All three pronounced their loyalty. That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers. The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace. He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine. The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed. The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished. "Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
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Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
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Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
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A young couple get between the sheets for the first time. In a flash it’s over. The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’ His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
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Q: What’s so good in f***ing twenty six year olds? A: That they are twenty…
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If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself.... Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
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A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
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One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
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What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
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Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
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