Joke #4082

‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’ Fred Allen
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has 26.79 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: sex

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Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off. So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a boner, so that was the end of him. Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner.
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has 72.96 % from 310 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, sex
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: sex
On wedding night, during sex: Husband: I had a sex with so many callgirls so many time before. Wife: Thats what I have been thinking since we met that I have seen you somewhere before...
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has 71.16 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
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has 51.71 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter. The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed. Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time". The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right. After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left. Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"? John said, "I think she was dead". John said, "How was yours"? Bill said, "I think she was a witch". John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"? Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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has 63.86 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, money, old people, sex
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
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has 74.40 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
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has 65.39 % from 568 votes. More jokes about: phone, sex, wife
Q: What type of bees make milk? A: Boo-bees.
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has 67.98 % from 769 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, sex
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
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has 59.46 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’ Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
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has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: sex