What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
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The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shit!" I told her.
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Joke has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each.
So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you.
So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed.
The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was.
She said, "I had sex with a guy."
The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water.
So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was.
She said, "I got in a fight with another nun."
So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water.
So she did.
The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did.
And as she was laughing she said, "I pissed in the holy water!"
A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Justin.
Justin who?
Your justin time to wipe my ass!
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Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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