What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.
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Valentines Slogans
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DAMMIT open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
Vote:
A young couple get between the sheets for the first time.
In a flash it’s over.
The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’
His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Did you hear about the transvestite who wanted a night on the town?
He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."