Joke #4132

A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Alex: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"

I have a statistics joke, but it's not significant. I have a regression joke, but it sounds quite mean. I have a machine learning joke, but it is not performing as well on a new audience. I have a joke about deep learning but I can't explain it. I have a geography joke, but I don't know where it is.

They wanted something long and hard..... I gave them MY HOMEWORK!

Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9″. Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36″. And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.” The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?” The principal and Harry both agree. The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Harry, after a moment, “Legs.” Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry replied, “Pockets.” Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Harry: “Pants” Teacher: "What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" Harry: Coconut The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge. Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" Harry: "Bubblegum" Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Shake hands" Teacher: "Now I will ask some “Who am I sort of questions, okay?" Harry: "Yep." Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Harry: "Tent" Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first." Principal was looking restless and bit tense. Harry: "Wedding Ring" Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." Harry: "Nose" Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." Harry: "Arrow" Teacher: "What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”

Teacher: Why are you late? Ramu: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Ramu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.

I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong. Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!

An announcement came over the intercom for the college students: "Will the students who are parked on the wrong side of the Parking area please move their cars." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the three hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."