A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
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Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.
A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
A student called her best friend and said that she had some great news.
“The teacher told me that we had to do a test today in rain or shine,” she told her.
“Why is that great,” her friend asked.
“It’s snowing today!”
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Colorado Avalanche fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Avalanche fans too.
Not really knowing what an Avalanche fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception.
A little girl has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an Avalanche fan," she retorts.
"Then," asks her teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Detroit Red Wings Fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks the little girl why she is a Wings fan.
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Wings fans, so I'm a Wings fan too," she responds.
The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot.
What would you be then?"
"Oh," says the little girl.
"Well, then I'd be an Avalanche fan."
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row.
The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’”
A small voice from the back of the room rang out,
“And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
Teacher: “Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence.
How many would be left?”
Boy: “None.”
Teacher: “None? You don’t know your arithmetic!”
Boy: “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Ramu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"