Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Mark: That’s right!
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Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school."
"How much special?"
"Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
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Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school.
Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?"
"Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
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Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
A: The Food!
John: Knock, knock.
Justin: Who’s there?
John: Gladys.
Justin: Gladys, who?
John: Gladys the weekend—no homework!
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100.
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200.
Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"