Joke #4152

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Vote: has 85.73 % from 221 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
Vote: has 56.41 % from 139 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen. The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom. The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Screw you." But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.
Vote: has 64.09 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, sex
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
Vote: has 85.32 % from 1409 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, marriage, old people, sex
Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking? ‘Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.’ Jackie Mason
Vote: has 62.37 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, marriage
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him. When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon. He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Vote: has 27.74 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
Vote: has 51.13 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dating, marriage
My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.
Vote: has 52.31 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child." The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes." He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too." Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no...smallcox, too!"
Vote: has 53.26 % from 94 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, holiday, husband, marriage