Joke #4153

Make love, not war. Or if you want to do both – get married!
Vote: has 87.75 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

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Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

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A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'... I took her to a petrol station...
Vote: has 87.47 % from 129 votes. Send joke:

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An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Vote: has 88.23 % from 1472 votes. Send joke:

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Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
Vote: has 53.62 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room." She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that." The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference." She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."
Vote: has 88.06 % from 548 votes. Send joke:

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An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills." His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
Vote: has 48.02 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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