Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle.
The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me.
I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was.
Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!"
That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."
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A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.
An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’
Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
There once was two people Lisa and Brian
They got married and had a child.
The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.
So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.
So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever.
When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.
When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.
After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.
As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died.
The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
Vote:
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife.
Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA.
He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him.
"What are you trying to do," she asked.
Lalu explained the spousal sex.
The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to.
When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man.
"Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
3 Stages of Sex:
1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room.
2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom.
3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"