Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom?
He wanted to keep the swelling down.
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A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.
"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries.
"Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk.
If you want it harder, you say tomato.
If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long.
He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?"
"No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband.
Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling."
The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
Q: What have condoms and tires in common?
A: Good year.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Justin.
Justin who?
Your justin time to wipe my ass!
Vote:
Harry is better at sex than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.