Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom?
He wanted to keep the swelling down.
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I went into the bar the other day & the bartender said:
"What'ya have?"
I said: "Suprise me."
He did, He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
I said: "Hey, who said you could mess around with my wife?"
"Everyone did" he replied..."
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
Vote:
Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
Vote:
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DAMMIT open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
Vote:
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.