Joke #4236

My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the Lottery!’ Martha shouts back, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man replies, ‘I don’t care, just as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’

When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'... I took her to a petrol station...

Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.

Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

My wife is temperamental. Fifty per cent temper and 50 per cent mental.

Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’

A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

My husband has a split personality – and I hate both of them.