My husband and I married for better or worse.
He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
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Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’
Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’
Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?
A:Honey I'm home.
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror…
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Waiter: "How do you like your steak, sir?"
Sir: "Like winning an argument with my wife."
Waiter: "Rare it is."
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?