Joke #4236

My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
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has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: bible, communication, marriage, work
Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll? A: All Ken's stuff.
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: divorce, marriage
Q: What are the three rings of marriage? A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
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has 60.70 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
Why can't single women fart? They don't get an asshole till they get married.
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, men, women
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?" 1. You haven't asked yet. 2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. 3. Because I just love hearing this question. 4. Just lucky, I guess. 5. It gives my mother something to live for. 6. My fiancé is awaiting his/her parole. 7. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America. 8. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon? 9. I'm waiting until I get to be your age. 10. It didn't seem worth a blood test. 11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. 12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. 13. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses. 14. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. 15. They just opened a great singles bar on my block. 16. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. 17. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals. 18. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? 19. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. 20. Why aren't you thin? 21. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. 22. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
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has 84.17 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: marriage
He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month." Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?" He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant. The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"
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has 84.02 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
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has 54.22 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
Man: "What you have prepared to eat today?" Wife: "Nothing." Man: "But you did nothing yesterday." Wife : "I made it for two days."
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
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has 81.95 % from 366 votes. More jokes about: marriage, nerd, technology