Joke #4249

Dick’s family were very poor – when the wolf came to the door, they ate it.

A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away. After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him, "Pour me a 15 year old scotch before the trouble starts." The bartender thinks this is very strange but pours him the 15 year old scotch. After finishing that drink, the man tells the bartender to pour him an 18 year old scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender is becoming a little worried, but pours him the 18 year old scotch. Before the man finishes his 18 year old scotch, the bartender finally gets up the nerve to ask: "Say friend, when this trouble is going to start?" To which the man replies, "The trouble starts, when you find out that I don't have any money."

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8,' his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.

A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"

Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.

Q: Why do economists exist? A: So accountants have someone to laugh at.

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver. "No way! Get lost!" replied the boy. "How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked. "I said no way," replied the boy. "What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver. "No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy. "Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered. "No!" replied the boy. "What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver. The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!"

A couple are arguing over money. ‘Do you know,’ says the man. ‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’ ‘Yes,’ says his wife. ‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’