Joke #4252

A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’

Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom? No? Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.

I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.

John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed. The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.

Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made. Samantha explains it to her. "I still don't get it? Can you show me." Suzy says. "OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw." That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand. The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sex with her. "OK but I don't want Samantha to watch" So Samantha went outside. They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy. "That was fun but I still don't get it." Says Suzy The next day the same thing happened. And the next day. Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying. "Whats wrong," Suzy says. "Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better." Said Samantha. "Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy. When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it. Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately. He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her. "OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed." "Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

Yo mama so fat, when your dad tried eating your mom's pussy his head stuck in.

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."