Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex? A: They're both very rare.
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."
Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral sex? A: Gladiator.
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck in the chicken.
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.