Joke #4258

My husband has a split personality – and I hate both of them.
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Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that, as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
Vote: has 87.83 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vote: has 55.87 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
Vote: has 27.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Vote: has 51.12 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

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A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy. The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy. The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong. With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"
Vote: has 56.65 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food, marriage, wedding, wife
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
Vote: has 53.76 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, beauty, marriage
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
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My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman. “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?” “A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
Vote: has 87.34 % from 185 votes. Send joke:

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