Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along.
‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says.
‘What time did you pull out this morning?’
‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy.
‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’
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Kock, Knock
Who is there?
Suck, suck.
Suck, suck who?
After a long pause with a low voice:
My dick; dear!
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Baby, baby, baby ooh!
Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber?
Daughter: No, I'm watching porn.
Mom: Oh, thank goodness.
Son: "What's love juice daddy?"
Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?"
Son: "Wimbledon."
Q: What are the three words you never wanna hear whilst having sex?
A: "Honey I'm home."
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A man and wife were making love.
When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away.
Mom said "You better fix this now."
The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma.
The dad screamed "What the fuck."
The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"
To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.
"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.
A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?"
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."
But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
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