Joke #4509

Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall

- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.

Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.

An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."

Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed. He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!" With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!" Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom. I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.

Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.

I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn and it really worked. I’m really beginning to fancy those rhinos now.