Joke #4509

Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall

What happens when a dwarf runs between a girls legs? He gets a clit around the head and a flap on the face.

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married". So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt." Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled". Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’ Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’

A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.

Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.

how come blondes don't wear tampons? so their crabs don't go bungie jumping.

Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.

A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it? He said he'd offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"