Joke #4509

Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."

A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."

Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.

Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down.

Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shit-faced?"

‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’ Rodney Dangerfield

Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!