Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.
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Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed.
One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
‘If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?’ Steven Wright
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank!
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.
Vote:
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
Vote:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
Vote: