Three prisoners are locked in a cell.
One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’
The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’
The third man pulls out a packet of tampons.
‘Those aren’t much use,’ says the first prisoner.
‘Yes they are,’ says the third prisoner.
‘On the packet it says we can use them to swim, play tennis and ski.’
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I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn.
Now I’ve got an overwhelming desire to charge at Land Rovers.
One day Pebbles Flintstone got scared and hopped in bed with Wilma and Fred.
She looked under the covers on Wilma's side and asked what that was and Wilma said well Pebbles thas my rock.
After that Pebbles looked on Fred's side and asked what that thing was down there and Fred replied thats my rock grinder.
So Pebbles layed there for a few minutes then sat up and said so mommy puts her rock in daddy's rock grinder and out pops PEBBLES! ! ! !
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.
She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower.
He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?"
His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights."
A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
Vote:
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
Vote:
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
Vote:
Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’
Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
A Marine was going in for his physical.
He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend.
After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids.
He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit.
The DR came in.
After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life.
Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.'
Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir."
Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?"
Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?"
The DR. signed the paperwork.
Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
Two men are having a drink together.
One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married.
What about you?’
‘I don’t know,’ says the other.
‘What was her maiden name?’