Good: Your daughter has got a new job. Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very ugly: She makes more money than you.
Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once. Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’ Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off another one?”’
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself.... Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "Sorry No, I just burped."
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.
‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen