Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself. 
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A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
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I could never fight a gay guy.
I don't know how to start.
"I'm gonna beat your ass...
I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
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My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
Men are like vacations – they never seem to be long enough.
She was hungry for love and didn’t know where her next male was coming from.
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business.
One of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."
The other hooker looked at her and said, "Sorry No, I just burped."
Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name?
Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
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