Joke #4370

She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
Vote: has 30.11 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vote: has 55.87 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship, Valentines day
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’ Her husband replies, ‘Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades.’
Vote: has 87.85 % from 493 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, marriage, old people
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. She warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, husband, marriage, wife
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
Vote: has 63.87 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women