She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
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A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
Wife: "Honey let's play a game?"
Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?"
Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month."
Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?"
Wife: (smile) "Yes darling."
Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction)
Wife: "Are u ready?"
Husband: "Yes, ready."
Wife: "Turkey"
It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"
Everyone in the bar stops and stares.
Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Vote:
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning.
He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.
As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down, it is like a torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
Minutes later, he returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel.
He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
Wife: "There is something wrong with you."
Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."