Joke #4370

She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Vote: has 61.20 % from 260 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.
Vote: has 52.31 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
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Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Vote: has 51.83 % from 68 votes. Send joke:
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A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
Vote: has 74.20 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: anniversary, marriage, old people, prison
I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
Vote: has 46.60 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
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Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
Vote: has 84.46 % from 180 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, wedding
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye. “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said. He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”
Vote: has 63.54 % from 333 votes. Send joke:
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A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
Vote: has 54.26 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, marriage, mean, party
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
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They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
Vote: has 38.22 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, time