Why do women need guys? Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, "Nein!, Nein" So two guys walk away.
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job. The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar. The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you? The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.