If God had meant us to pay taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.
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The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”
The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”
The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars.”
To which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, same guy walks into the bar.
Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”
The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”
To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
Vote:
I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money!
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote:
A couple are arguing over money.
‘Do you know,’ says the man.
‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’
‘Yes,’ says his wife.
‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
Jeff Bezos has invested $42 million to build a huge 500-foot tall underground clock that ticks once per year for 10,000 years.
He did this because he overheard his wife talking to a friend, he thought she said she wished he had a larger clock...
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit:
"Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"