Why do people like to borrow money in Alaska?
Because they have Fairbanks!
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Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.
Vote:
Think nobody knows you’re alive?
Try missing a payment.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde a dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
How do you find the population of a Mexican village?
Roll a quarter down the street.r
Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought starbucks are money in space.