Two old men hobble into the pub.
One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’
‘All right,’ says the other.
‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’
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As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."
But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
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The four words most hated by men during sex?
‘Is it in yet?’
Two Italian men get on a bus...
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"
Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
What happens when a dwarf runs between a girls legs?
He gets a clit around the head and a flap on the face.
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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