Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
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What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?
Two octopuses shaking hands.
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A zebra with a drum kit.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
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Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
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Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"