Joke #4468

Why did Tom come home drunk and leave his clothes on the floor? He was in them.
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Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. The first guy says to the second, "You know, the wind currents are so strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current." "No way, man, you’re crazy," said the second guy to the first. So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building. The second guy is simply thrilled and says, "watch me do that" as he steps from the edge roof into the open air. Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the waiting pavement below–SPLAT! The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to the first guy and say, "You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real a*shole!"
Vote: has 27.32 % from 5 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
I went out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
Vote: has 81.25 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
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A bus conductor asks a drunk for his ticket. He goes through all his pockets but can’t find it. ‘It’s okay,’ says the conductor. ‘I’m sure you paid.’ ‘Never mind that,’ says the drunk. ‘If I can’t find it how am I supposed to know where I’m going?’
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
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It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
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Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !" Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?" Man says "no, I spill most of it !"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, black humor
I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine