Joke #4486

An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’
Vote:
has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

There were three nurses in a morgue... They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste". After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it. The 2nd nurse did the same. The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period. After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it. After 3 minutes the man woke up. The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago" The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
Vote:
has 76.31 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, disgusting, nurse, sex
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
Vote:
has 83.89 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: baby, couple, hospital, sex, women
Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents.
Vote:
has 65.05 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
Vote:
has 56.31 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Vote:
has 49.45 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: fart, marriage, sex
A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
Vote:
has 57.83 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: sex
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Vote:
has 42.96 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, weather
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
Vote:
has 68.60 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: husband, sex, stupid, women
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
Vote:
has 84.63 % from 3036 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, work
Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Vote:
has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, food, men, sex