Two friends: Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come? Of course! How many people are coming? Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex. ‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman. The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
A king wants his daughter to have a husband so he puts up a flier. The first guy comes and the king puts green glitter on his daughters private part. The next mornning the king checks the guys private part and there's green glitter all over it. More and more guys come along and the same thing keeps happening. Finally, one day this guy comes along. The king puts the green glitter on his daughters private part, and the next mornning checks the guys privates and there was no green glitter. The king is thrilled and offers the man his daughters hand in marriage. The guy smiles to accept with a mouth full of green glitter.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off. So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a boner, so that was the end of him. Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner.
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms. I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag? I said No, she's not that ugly. Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.
The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’ The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.