Two friends:
Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment.
Do you want to come?
Of course! How many people are coming?
Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
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A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!
They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book.
He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies
"I only ever touched one with my index finger."
He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates."
He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis."
She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."
He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate."
Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way.
ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?"
The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight."
The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?"
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
One day a girl was with her mom in the park and saw two teens having sex on the bench.
The little girl asked her mom, "Mommy, what are they doing?"
The mom was blushing and replied, "Oh their making cakes."
The next day the girl and the mom went to the zoo and saw two monkey having sex.
The little girl asked again, "Mommy, what are they doing?"
Again the mother replied, "Oh their making cakes."
The next day, the little girl confronted her mom, "Mommy, I know you and daddy we’re making cakes last night."
The mom was frightened and asked, "How did you know?"
The little girl replied, "I licked the icing off the couch! It was good too!"
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly.
So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself....
Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.