Two friends:
Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment.
Do you want to come?
Of course! How many people are coming?
Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
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Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them.
One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!"
The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well.
They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!"
So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her.
"Why are you naked?" he asks.
"Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready for you."
"Okay" the man replies "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the f**k are you?" the man asks.
"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.
"Those little bastards!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A: Inserting the anchovies
Vote:
A dick has a sad life.
His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Sex is like a motor racing - the most important thing is not to save money for bes quality rubber.
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah?
A: Only 3 inches.
Vote:
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote: